• DANCE IN THE RAINLife is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain.- Vivian Greene

depend on+


In a world of continual loss, what can I count on? Can I trust anything to be unchangeable?

For years, I assumed there were things I could depend on. Things that would be there when I grew old. Things like my marriage. My children. My health and independence. My intellect. Financial security. A fulfilling career. Deep friendships. I built my identity around many of these things, certain I wouldn’t lose them.

But I did lose many of them. Often unexpectedly. Losses started piling up in my early thirties and didn’t stop.

Our infant son Paul’s death was a huge shock, as my long-held assumption that my family would somehow be protected from disaster was shattered. Well-meaning people kept assuring me when Paul’s heart condition was discovered during my pregnancy that nothing bad would happen if I trusted God and prayed fervently. It all depended on my faith. So I prayed and trusted and begged God to give me the faith I needed.

But standing at Paul’s grave, I was jolted into the realization that nothing is certain. A strong faith does not shield me from loss.  God knows what’s best for me and all he brings into my life is for my eternal joy.

I still hold onto that truth, yet it is only in retrospect that I can find comfort in it. In the moment of loss, I feel overwhelmed. I want to cling to what I had.

View full post »

  • June 22, 2017 - 7:52 pm

    Dawn - I am sorry for the losses through out your life. I very much enjoy and relate to your articles, (although my losses are nothing compared to yours). Keep inspiring us. 🙂ReplyCancel

    • June 22, 2017 - 8:46 pm

      Vaneetha - Glad my articles are helpful, Dawn! Thanks for writing.ReplyCancel

  • June 23, 2017 - 9:14 am

    Julia Lund - Dear Vaneetha,

    Thank you for all you share. I recently read your book, The Scars that have Shaped Me, and it helped me navigate the early stages of huge changes, due to poor health, in my life. I recently lost one of my dearest friends to breast cancer, and she, like you, knew the reality of an utterly good and kind God. Though life is shaken and certainties dissolve, our God does not change and it’s the witness of people like my dear friend, like yourself, that help build faith and keep me focussed on truth. Thank you.


    • June 23, 2017 - 3:18 pm

      Vaneetha - I’m so sorry, Julia, both for your own struggles and the loss of your dear friend. Sometimes it’s hard to keep pressing on in the midst of overwhelming grief. I too am thankful that God doesn’t change, even though the earth gives way and the mountains are moved into the heart of the sea.ReplyCancel

  • June 23, 2017 - 11:10 am

    Jann - I am on a similar path to yours, and so appreciate your understanding and encouragement. So much in this world is overwhelming to me now. And, friends often don’t understand. Thank you!ReplyCancel

    • June 23, 2017 - 3:13 pm

      Vaneetha - I’m so sorry your life is overwhelming right now. I’ve been there. Praying now that the Lord Himself would encourage you and bring joy in the midst of darkness.ReplyCancel

  • June 23, 2017 - 11:39 am

    Cindy Brown - Thank you Vaneetha. I love your posts because they are so real, so true, so encouraging. Until heaven..ReplyCancel

    • June 23, 2017 - 3:20 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you, Cindy. “Until heaven…” Love that.ReplyCancel

  • June 23, 2017 - 12:08 pm

    Mike R - Vaneetha, you have turned your own suffering into a ministry to others. Today I find comfort for my own trials, only because you have traveled this road longer than I have and you can say, “Look! There is Christ! And he is more than enough.” You comfort others with the comfort that God has given you. Today you described precisely what I am facing as I try to juggle my life with increasing deterioration. Not only am I not able to do what needs to be done, even doing what I can do is too much.

    Here’s an analogy for those who may not understand. Stable disability is like this–you have a daily allowance to spend. Each morning you get your fresh amount of money to spend anyway you wish. Some activities cost a lot. Some just a little. If you manage your money well, you can plan things pretty well. Even creatively spread them out through the week.

    Progressive disability is like a bank account that will never receive another deposit. You don’t know what the balance is, only that everything you choose to do spends some of your remaining money. The more energy an activity requires, the larger the withdrawal. Worse, once in a while, for no apparent reason, the bank advises you that the balance has been reduced by a new fee. Oh, and by the way, they are still unable to tell you how much remains, just that it is less than you thought you had.

    I sit here this morning knowing that the peaches and plums need to be picked off the trees in the backyard, or the fruit will go to waste. My wife cannot pick them but she so loves that fresh fruit more than almost any food. She has poor health, but those silly stone fruit, fresh from the tree, bring her joy in eating and in giving to others. The kitchen sink is leaking and must be fixed. And next week I must go and cut weeds for a few hours at my ranch to reduce the fire hazard. My church members have helped a lot, but they have jobs and can’t do it all for me.

    Oh, if it were it were just the juggling of activities! Each one of those tasks will take a little more away from my failing knees. They will inflame my muscles, something I am told to avoid as it can worsen my condition. And any of them will land me on the couch or bed for a day or two trying to recover. And somehow I need to work things out that they don’t keep me from being able to attend worship.

    I’ve eliminated most of my trips to the barber, tied my trip to the grocery store in with the weekly prayer meeting. Reduced walking to the mail box to every three days. Learned how to waddle up the stairs one at a time. Moved everything but the toilet to my couch so I do have to get up and down to retrieve things during the day. Reduced my wardrobe to jeans and T-shirts to make laundry easy, and have gotten used to living in a cluttered and unkept house. Soap scum on the shower wall is now décor–a natural patina.

    Do I just stop living? That is bad, too. Insufficient activity, the doctors say, is also bad for me. Somebody give me a crazy pill!

    But then there is God. Each day brings me to him as a beggar. Despite all of this I can say that it is good that I have been afflicted. Vanity Fair has been shown to be a false God. Suddenly the salvation of my neighbors and relatives becomes more important than anything in this life. Heaven becomes something to be yearned for. God becomes large. Jesus becomes real.

    Prayers for healing become prayers for mercy, which become attempts to bargain, which become despair, which leads me to bow my head before God. Suddenly I find myself in Psalms, tears in my eyes, understanding what the psalmist meant when he wrote, “It is good that I was afflicted.” When this life becomes impossible, there is only Jesus. And he is enough. He is more than enough. He is life.ReplyCancel

    • June 23, 2017 - 3:07 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you so much for writing, Mike. Your words are always so poignant and encouraging. The bank analogy is exactly what they use for post-polio, so I deeply resonated with it. Praying for you as I write this that God would give you wisdom to know what you should do, and grace for all you can’t do. And joy in His presence.ReplyCancel

  • June 23, 2017 - 12:55 pm

    Elaine - The losses heartache all wake us up to living a real and authentic walk with the Lord. No matter how difficult the walk is we wouldn’t want any other way. You are one of the real, authentic and honest believers and enjoy what you share. Blessings on you, around you, over you dear Vaneetha.ReplyCancel

    • June 23, 2017 - 3:09 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you, Elaine. And I agree that trials make our walk with God much deeper, and in retrospect we see their Value. And it is precious.ReplyCancel

  • June 23, 2017 - 1:05 pm

    Martha Enns - Vaneetha, thank you for sharing honestly and openly. Praising God He is the constant and never changes. Loss and suffering are so difficult, but I thank God how He uses you because of what you have gone through, to encourage others and continually point them to Christ. He is all we need. Often praying for you, keep persevering dear sister. Much love and blessings.ReplyCancel

  • June 24, 2017 - 6:38 am

    Cindy Lewellyn - Your life has been full of pain and suffering, but God has used this to bring you closer to Him, and to be a beacon of hope for others. I appreciate your honesty, that you have struggles, find it hard to cope with it all, yet also have found strength and purpose in the Lord. Your writing is your ministry, and it helps point others to God, the One in whom we have hope and strength to endure life’s hardships. I do not understand why God allows His children to experience so much suffering in this world, but am thankful that this world is not all we have! I have been overwhelmed after the deaths of my parents, 12 days apart, layers of hurt and betrayals, and my husband’s progressive MS that has taken such a toll on his body. Some days I feel like I am barely hanging on to my faith, so your words are more encouraging than you know, helping me refocus on the Lord and not just on the pain and hurts of this life.ReplyCancel

    • June 24, 2017 - 5:11 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you, Cindy. I’m so sorry for all you are dealing with, which I can imagine has been beyond difficult. When struggles almost flood us with their frequency and intensity, its hard to understand what God is doing. But thankfully He is doing something, something beautiful and good, that one day we will see fully. In the meantime, you, me, all of us, must walk by faith and not sight…ReplyCancel

  • June 24, 2017 - 12:31 pm

    Arnette Bargabus - Dear Vaneetha — As I read this article, it rang true for me — almost everything you express is true in my life. Thank you for putting into word your heart’s desire to give it ALL to Him – it is mine as well.

    “But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD. I say, “You are my God.” My times are in Your hand; Psalm 31:14-15

    Praying for you as your journey and journal.

    A sister in Christ,
    xxxooo ArnetteReplyCancel

    • June 24, 2017 - 5:05 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you, Annette for your prayers and encouragement.ReplyCancel

  • June 25, 2017 - 3:54 pm

    Michael Anderson - i too have experienced loss and pain with bad health and divorce after 26 yrs of marriage-i have screamed at GODReplyCancel

    • July 6, 2017 - 11:45 am

      Vaneetha - I’m so sorry for your losses, Michael. I am sure they have been painful and continue to be. Praying as I write this that God would comfort you as you pour out to Him all of your pain, lament and questions.ReplyCancel

  • June 30, 2017 - 9:12 am

    Sharon overstreet - Looking forward to your bookReplyCancel

Tweet|Share to Facebook|Subscribe

pride of numbers+


My mom isn’t swayed by numbers.

I am.

She faithfully teaches the Bible study at their church, preparing for hours each week. While there is often a good crowd, sometimes just a few show up. Bad weather, illness, vacations all affect attendance, but it never matters to her. She’s happy to teach whomever comes. But I find it hard to prepare a lesson all week only to find out that just a handful can make it.

Mom always reminds me that numbers mean nothing. She says, “I’m fine having a small crowd. I know that God has appointed who is going to be there. I remember teaching Sunday school classes when only one child showed up. Those were always my best lessons because I could focus on one person. Besides, some of Jesus best sermons were given to an audience of one.”

I’m ashamed at my desire for many.

I look back at the times I’ve been disappointed because only a few people have shown up to a talk. Somehow I place my value in numbers.

It’s all about pride. Thinking my effort should be maximized. Thinking greater numbers mean greater impact. Thinking it’s all about me.

As I reflect on the ways God has used me, I am reminded of an unforgettable Bible Study, when God showed me the value of “one.” View full post »

  • June 9, 2017 - 10:49 am

    MIke R - It seems like Isaiah 55:8-9 is written all over you post. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

    I needed this TODAY, as I am facing a tough time physically, doing what I can no longer do. Prior to my change in health, I had gone from a long career in health care to working on a rural property. Oh, the joy of doing something with my hands in the wide open air. God had blessed my efforts as I found that I could live on half of my prior income and was learning all sorts of basic skills. And I saw amazing things happen. My anxieties about making far less money proved silly. God provided in ways I could have never seen, otherwise.

    And then came illness and disability. What now? Today I’m off to work on my property to begin the long process of selling it. The work seems impossible, and it sometimes is literally impossible. But God works through it and in it. I was always a self-sufficient man (and proud about it). Now I have to pray all the time for small things to get done. And that opens my eyes to the incredible way he provides for all of us.

    Well, I’m off for a rough day, wondering how it will get done. I was harboring dread this morning, but then came this article, reminding me that “numbers” are not important. I lamented that I would only be able to work for 2 hours rather than all day, as I did when I was healthy. And I will need a friend to help, even then. But God is not limited. His strength is made manifest in my weakness. Oh, not enough physical work will happen in my my eyes, but I am learning that Gods economy is above my comprehension. Bless you for your writing. May I learn to stop trying to fit God into my little box of limitations.ReplyCancel

    • June 11, 2017 - 5:55 pm

      Vaneetha - Thanks, Mike. I constantly need to be reminded not to fit God into my little box of limitations too…ReplyCancel

  • June 9, 2017 - 8:00 pm

    Jerry - Hi I’m Jerry from Indonesia. I’m (sometimes feel blessed,sometimes cursed) to work in finance and stock market where everything is about numbers and tangibles. I need constant reminder about life’s true priorities and right way of seeing things from articles like yours here. Thanks for writing it. God bless you.ReplyCancel

    • June 11, 2017 - 5:59 pm

      Vaneetha - I worked in finance briefly and so I understand the temptation to measure success by the world’s standards. Of course, I still do it in other ways, but the financial world is particularly numbers driven. Thanks for writing, Jerry.ReplyCancel

  • June 10, 2017 - 10:56 am

    Kathy - Thank you for writing this and sharing it. The blogging world keeps telling us that we need more numbers of likes and email subscribers. It’s so easy to lose sight of the reason I started my blog: to encourage us to lean on Jesus in our weakness and infirmities. Thank you for reminding me. Did you start your Bible study as a individual or through your church?ReplyCancel

    • June 11, 2017 - 6:03 pm

      Vaneetha - I write (mostly)to remind myself of truth that I need to hear! So glad it was helpful to you. We started our study with a few believing women in my neighborhood. We do it every summer- this is our 22nd one!ReplyCancel

  • June 12, 2017 - 6:40 am

    Janet K - A friend shared your blog as one I would find helpful and I do! I always read it in its entirety when it comes and am blessed. Thank you!ReplyCancel

    • June 12, 2017 - 10:20 pm

      Vaneetha - I”m so glad its been helpful, Janet. Thanks for writing!ReplyCancel

  • June 15, 2017 - 1:03 am

    Van de Casteele - Hi, i am Josiane from Belgium, thank you for these beauthiful words, it thouches my heart.ReplyCancel

  • June 16, 2017 - 1:07 pm

    Victor Enite Abu - I recently deactivated my Facebook account because I felt like I was losing focus on the need to share my faith with others. I had gotten carried away by the likes and recognition by friends and I was always seeking for means to revalidate myself through my posts.. I decided to call it quits for a while and focus on Christ.
    This message has ministered to me in many ways.ReplyCancel

    • June 18, 2017 - 2:43 pm

      Vaneetha - Facebook can be such a trap, can’t it? I struggle with it myself as I love “likes” and “shares” and need to consciously stop looking at them and put my worth and value in Jesus. Thanks for your honesty and your example, Victor.ReplyCancel

  • June 16, 2017 - 3:18 pm

    Barbara H. - I’m here from a link on the True Woman site, and wanted to let you know I appreciate this. Sometimes I get caught up in numbers, too, feeling that I am sharing good truth and wish more people were hearing it. 🙂 But maybe God knows I couldn’t handle that. He wants me to be faithful to Him, whoever He sends along to read or hear. One friend said it helped her to think about it as feeding whoever came to the table, no matter how many or how few.ReplyCancel

    • June 18, 2017 - 2:49 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you for that example. I love this, “one friend said it helped her to think about it as feeding whoever came to the table, no matter how many or how few.” What a good word.

      Ironically and sadly, when I saw that True Woman site (which I love) mentioned it, I was so happy they liked it enough to link to it. Obviously I need to reread my own post about numbers and recognition. Clearly I need it more than anyone else!ReplyCancel

  • June 17, 2017 - 7:25 am

    Barbara Smith - Thank you so much for this. Last year, at the request of “many,” I began leading a Bible study in my home. Week by week, few showed, but one always did. We finished our study and *I* decided not to do another. The one has mentioned how she’s missed it and I have felt the gentle tugging of our Father to begin again. Through you, I have finally received His message in full and will begin anew, even if it is only for me and the one. After all, where two or more are gathered… Thank you for this post. May His Name be praised!ReplyCancel

    • June 18, 2017 - 2:52 pm

      Vaneetha - Praise God for your obedience, Barbara! I totally understand how hard it is do a Bible Study with just a few, or only one. I still struggle with it but God is continuing to teach me to look to him for what “success” is.ReplyCancel

  • June 19, 2017 - 5:51 am

    jassy - hi. i thank God i stumbled upon this post. this helps me with what I am going through right now. Thank you.ReplyCancel

  • June 24, 2017 - 2:09 pm

    Laudable Linkage | Stray Thoughts - […] The Numbers Trap, HT to True Woman. […]ReplyCancel

Tweet|Share to Facebook|Subscribe

grad idols+


My daughter Katie just graduated from college.

As I watched the graduation processional and listened to the commencement speaker, I thought of my own college graduation, decades ago. I had paid little attention to the speech. I thought I had it all figured out. I was about to move to Boston with a great job, ready to take on the world.

I got to Boston and focused on my career, confident that climbing the ladder of success was God’s plan for me. I worshiped the Lord, but I unconsciously worshiped other things as well. Things like money and success. My intellect and people’s good opinion of me. An examination of my checkbook and my calendar would have revealed my misplaced priorities.

I wish I had heard the commencement speech delivered by the late David Foster Wallace in 2005, at the Kenyon College graduation. Wallace, though not a religious man, understood worship:

Wallace said,

“Here’s something else that’s weird but true: in the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshiping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship … is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive.

If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. …

Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. View full post »

  • May 25, 2017 - 8:33 pm

    Joey - Thank you for naming my idols. Naming them somehow makes them aware to me. I am recovering from depression. Now i realized my IDOL is ME, my finances, my image, my house, my looks, my weight. That i find myself discontented all the time. I look at myself a n the raw and i dont like what i see. But how do i focus on JESUS? I always go back to the same pattern of sin. HELP. I dont want to go back to the pit of my depression.ReplyCancel

    • May 27, 2017 - 7:11 pm

      Vaneetha - I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror either. But thankful Jesus is transforming me, you, all of us who know Him into His likeness. So press into Jesus. Ask Him to help you focus on Him. Read the Bible and pray. He is faithful.ReplyCancel

  • May 26, 2017 - 7:55 am

    Linda Swanekamp - You have written such powerful truths about worship that few consider and wonder why things are a mess. Thank you for being clear. I have bought 5 of your books so far to include in the comfort quilts I give to those in health crisis.ReplyCancel

    • May 27, 2017 - 7:13 pm

      Vaneetha - So thankful that you have found this to be helpful and that my books have been comforting. I love the idea of “comfort quilts!”ReplyCancel

  • May 26, 2017 - 9:24 pm

    MIke R - Congratulations on your daughter’s graduation! And on the great post.

    Oh, that all my idols would be put to death overnight Like you, I have to be right. And I have spent a lifetime in careful preparation to be self-sufficient and independent, never seeing God as the source of my every movement and breath. I had to be prepared for any need that should arise. Boy Scout mentality turned neurotic. I went through phases of eating myself up. Never being able to admit “I don’t know how to (fill in the blank”.) I never asked others for help. And how sweet were (and are) the words of others praising my many skills and areas of knowledge. Praise God that he will not stand by and allow his children to die of this form of cancer. In my case, my carefully constructed castle began to leak, then fall down, bit by bit. Oh, I still had the wrenches I needed, but no strength with which to turn them. Career, gone. Titles gone. A man that cannot do even the simple tasks.

    I cut down a crepe myrtle tree in the yard a fews back and dug up the large roots. Two years later the small, unseen roots began sprouting in great number, forcing me fight a never-ending battle. So sprout the buried roots of idols in my heart. In the same way I look forward to seeing free of this weary and diseased body, I look forward to being free of idolatry. “And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight..”ReplyCancel

    • May 27, 2017 - 7:16 pm

      Vaneetha - Thanks for writing, Mike. As always, your words are so very helpful and eloquent. I am thankful when God smashes my idols, though I still try to reconstruct the broken shards… Its a painful process but so necessary. I agree, “And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight…”ReplyCancel

  • May 26, 2017 - 10:56 pm

    chuck bean - Excellent uncovering of the folly of amusement.
    Keep uncovering and exposing the lies of Satan and his kingdom. Only God and His love are real!ReplyCancel

    • May 27, 2017 - 7:19 pm

      Vaneetha - I love that expression, “the folly of amusement.” So thankful that the Lord helps us deconstruct our idols, and turns our hearts to Him!ReplyCancel

  • June 16, 2017 - 10:22 am

    Julie - Great quote and insight about idols. It was good to think this through and confess these sins to the Lord.

    Curious about the author DFW, so I read about him on Wikipedia. Actually, he was a religious sort of man, it says he tried to join the Roman Catholic Church twice. His was a tormented soul; his parents were atheists but apparently he was intellectually honest enough to look for answers and write about his search. But sadly never found Truth in Christ. His 20 year struggle with depression led to suicide at the age of 46.ReplyCancel

    • June 18, 2017 - 2:39 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you, Julie. I knew a bit about DFW and was thinking about writing more in the post, but left the background off in the interest of space. His suicide was so tragic. I appreciated his writing as he was honest about his search for truth and insightful about the nature of man.ReplyCancel

  • July 17, 2017 - 8:53 am

    Michele - Hello,
    I just read this post. I have come to the conclusion over the last year that my idols are my children. Especially after reading the last section about what an idol is, “that if you should loose it, your life would hardly feel worth living”. I became an empty nester last year, and since then one of my children has moved across the country, and another talks soon of moving far away. My hopes and dreams of having them, future grandchildren, and many days filled with memories has sent me into an anxious spiral downward. Fear grips my heart and mind, and at times I feel as if I can’t breathe. I know it’s a sin, and I want to let them go to have their own life. I also want God to be enough, but the depression and sadness is so overwhelming at times I can’t even function. I have spent my whole life revolved around them, that making friendships isn’t wanted or appealing to me. So I’m left in a crumpled mess on the floor. With no hopes, dreams, or motivation to go on. I don’t know where to start with this generational sin( wrapped in my mothers life and sisters too), which has its tentacles wrapped around every feeling, word, thought, and action in my life. How do you begin to unravel years of idolatry?ReplyCancel

    • July 17, 2017 - 8:49 pm

      Vaneetha - Great question, Michele. I’d start by reading the Bible, asking God to show you the truth about who he is and what you need. I’d pray continually during the day for him to comfort you and show you that his grace is enough. He has plans for you, Michele! Praying right now for you that God will meet you in the midst of this heartache and give you peace.ReplyCancel

Tweet|Share to Facebook|Subscribe




She asks me about forgiveness.

I look up into her tear-filled eyes and know she isn’t looking for canned advice. She wants real help, honesty, depth.

I shift uncomfortably in my chair. This is a hard topic to talk about without sounding preachy. I want to be sensitive and I’m not sure what to say.

Glancing over at me, she asks, “So what was it like for you to forgive? Why did you do it? Was it hard? And was it worth it?”

My mind scans all of the offenses I’ve forgiven. They have ranged from small–not being invited to a friend’s party. To medium- dealing with an insensitive and critical relative during a painful struggle. To huge – burying my infant son due to a doctor’s careless mistake. Or losing the marriage that I thought would last a lifetime.

I know she is referring to a specific offense that I’ve had to forgive, that I’m still in the process of forgiving, but there is a commonality to all the offenses against me. They have all hurt. Some superficially, some deeply, some permanently.

I take the questions one by one, trying to be as transparent as I can.

Why did I forgive?

I begin slowly, choosing my words carefully.

“To be honest I didn’t want to forgive. I never do. But the Bible tells us to forgive if we want to be forgiven. And forgiving those who wrong us brings glory to God. It shows the world Jesus.

But forgiving has also helped me. When I carry around anger and bitterness over what someone has done, it eats at me, and almost controls my life. It’s almost like the bitterness follows me everywhere.

“I hate to admit it, but I take a twisted pleasure in replaying the offense, getting mad, being the victim. I feel entitled to those feelings- small consolations in the face of the injustices I’ve endured. But I know this pleasure is really poison. Poison that I am pouring into a gaping, already painful wound. That poison makes the wound fester, so I’m worse off than I was at the start. I’m in more pain, while the person who hurt me doesn’t even know, or care.

“I have found forgiveness is like a balm. It lets me heal. Keeps the wound clean. Enables me to move on.”

She looks at me. “I guess that makes sense. But it seems impossible when I look at my situation. Forgiving is too hard.” View full post »

  • May 11, 2017 - 2:59 pm

    Maggie Huffman - So encouraging!
    And when we do not have the strength ourselves it is so beautiful when we ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen us and give us wisdom and compassion – He totally comes through!
    But we have to have a desire to forgive – perhaps that’s the first prayer.
    I have had to forgive and be forgiven of SO much and I know that it all comes through the love and grace of my Savior.

    Thank you,Vaneetha, for the way you let God use you!ReplyCancel

    • May 11, 2017 - 8:44 pm

      Vaneetha - Love this, Maggie! I agree with everything you said, especially “And when we do not have the strength ourselves it is so beautiful when we ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen us and give us wisdom and compassion – He totally comes through!” Amen.ReplyCancel

  • May 11, 2017 - 6:25 pm

    Jude - I’ve been researching the topic of forgiveness for a few days now. It seems to be the ‘hot’ topic of the month. 1st I need to say this: I don’t like the assumption made that if one is not willing/able to ‘forgive’ means that they are angry or bitter. That’s 2+2=5. It’s also a judgement made against the person. This ‘forgive all, at all times, no matter what’ that seems to be the ‘hot’ Christian topic on line these days is bothering me. Something just not ‘right’ about it. I would never tell a woman that has been raped, victimized by years of trauma and/or incest, battering, or who’s child has been killed, etc.that she MUST forgive the perpetrator if the perpetrator has not repented…or… God will not forgive her.

    I read PS. 55 and I have to ask if God did not forgive King David. God never forgives anyone unless they repent or did something unknowingly as He did on the Cross. This ‘black & white teaching that one MUST forgive or God will not forgive you seems to be taken out of context. Obviously, God does not forgive everyone. If He did, there would be no hell. Does God require of His children that they do something He, Himself, does not do? I have not come to any conclusions. I am praying for Understanding from the Lord. I don’t like it when 1-2 Scriptures are taken out of context then presented as a ‘law’…that’s this is how it MUST be. I want the mind of Christ on this matter.

    For example…should a victim of the Holocaust be told that if they do not forgive Hitler, that God will not forgive them?

    Just some thoughts…(((HUGS)))ReplyCancel

    • May 11, 2017 - 8:42 pm

      Vaneetha - I’m sorry this post was upsetting to you- I know this is a hard topic. I think some of your disagreement may come from how you define forgiveness. I do not equate forgiveness with reconciliation. My working definition of forgiveness is “giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.”

      I agree with Wikipedia’s definition which says: Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well. Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), forgetting (removing awareness of the offense from consciousness), pardoning (granted by a representative of society, such as a judge), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship).

      Jesus has a lot to say about forgiveness, far more than just 1-2 verses, and it is all consistent. However, I did not mean to imply that we could not be saved if we were harboring unforgiveness.

      We cannot truly forgive in our own strength, but when we ask God to help us forgive, He enables us to do that. And I have found the freedom that comes with forgiving someone who has hurt me is life changing. It is ultimately a gift to myself. So I would not tell a victim of the Holocaust that they had to forgive Hitler, but I would tell them that if they did, they would probably experience God’s life-giving freedom in a startlingly new way.

      Praying for you, and for myself, that God would reveal truth to us all…ReplyCancel

  • May 12, 2017 - 4:32 pm

    Scott - Thank you for sharing Vaneetha and for your encouragement. It seems that I’ve been having to turn the other cheek more than I’d like(once is more than I’d like). Thanks for encouraging me to continue on and to pray for those and bless those who offend me. Suffering in this way is not easy either, even with minor offenses. You’re a warrior.ReplyCancel

    • May 13, 2017 - 3:31 pm

      Vaneetha - Its a challenge for me, for all of us, to forgive if we are totally honest! But I have found its such an amazing way to live out and walk in the freedom of the Gospel!ReplyCancel

  • May 12, 2017 - 7:33 pm

    Jude - Ty! Not upsetting, though. Just digging deeper into God’s Word to have the mind of Christ on this topic. The ‘popular’ teaching seems to be ‘forgive everyone at all times no matter what’. I compare that with how we are instructed to 1-approach someone in sin; 2- take witnesses; 3-if they remain in sin, take the matter before the Church and essentially have the unrepentant leave the Church and then treat him/her as a heathen. I also look at how Paul turned folks over to satan on two occasions. Then there is a differentiation as to how we are to treat a believer and an unbeliever. Also, Luke 17:3-4 clearly states to rebuke..then ‘IF’ they repent, we are to forgive them. Folks seem to bypass that little word: ‘if’ on many occasions. I don’t think there’s a cookie-cutter answer. The ‘forgive everyone at all times no matter what’ seems a bit over-simplified. It may make a good bumper sticker, but again, God certainly does not and we are to have the mind of Christ. Being willing to forgive everyone as God is, IS having the mind of Christ. But actually doing that at all times under all circumstances does not seem consistent with the nature of God. In my researching this, I found this article…food for thought. (((HUGS))) https://questions.org/attq/should-i-offer-forgiveness-without-repentance/ReplyCancel

  • May 13, 2017 - 5:05 pm

    Carolyne - Thank you for such challenging and powerfully positive thoughts!
    I am reminded of a life changing book I read years ago: “A Chance To Die” written by Amy Carmichael.
    The cost of living out True Faith is never easy.ReplyCancel

    • May 13, 2017 - 8:44 pm

      Vaneetha - That is an awesome book! And it has such a challenging and biblical perspective about true faith…ReplyCancel

  • May 14, 2017 - 8:47 am

    Jackie Harden - Thank you so much for this clear understanding of this topic. Forgiveness is a process and it starts with being willing. Your honest portrayal of all the emotions that can go along with various degrees of offences is so helpful. Bless you Vaneetha!ReplyCancel

    • May 14, 2017 - 10:38 pm

      Vaneetha - So glad it was helpful, Jackie. Thank you for writing!ReplyCancel

  • June 9, 2017 - 11:11 pm

    Andrea - Hi Vaneetha. I’m struggling so very much with what forgiveness looks like in the case of my ex-husband. Several years ago he had an affair and divorced me to be with his co-worker. Even though it’s been about 7 years the pain is still so great. I understand that forgiveness does not mean I have to be friends with him. Does forgiveness mean that I have to be in favor of his new marriage with her?ReplyCancel

    • June 11, 2017 - 6:06 pm

      Vaneetha - I’m so sorry, Andrea. That is so hard. I don’t think you need to be in favor of their relationship at all. Forgiveness means, I think, that you don’t hold bitterness and resentment towards him, replaying his offenses against you. It takes time, though, and God’s grace and help. I’m praying for you as I write this…ReplyCancel

Tweet|Share to Facebook|Subscribe