• DANCE IN THE RAINLife is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain.- Vivian Greene


photo courtesy of Jonathan Davidar


I walk into Bible study ready to talk about prayer. I’m not sure how honest I want to be. While I know there is inexpressible value in prayer, I’ve had my own struggles with it, especially when people talk about miraculous answers they have received.

Answers that come moments after they’ve prayed. For the first time. When I’ve prayed for the same thing. For years. And nothing has changed.

Some of my prayers have remained unanswered for decades.

I share this with my group, tentative about saying it aloud. My disappointment sounds so unspiritual, so faithless, so shallow.

But then Florence says something that grabs my attention. “You never hear anyone in the Bible complaining about the parting of the Red Sea. Everyone loves delivering grace. But the Israelites, like us, were not satisfied with manna. We all complain about sustaining grace.”

We all complain about sustaining grace.

Her words hit me hard. I can scarcely pay attention to the rest of the discussion.

Were my prayers for deliverance answered with the gift of sustenance? Do I not see that sustenance is an answer too? And often just as miraculous? Why am I not grateful for manna, the everyday grace of God? When I tell Florence how her words are staying with me, how they are changing everything for me, she writes me an e-mail:

I remember being stunned by the realization of how much I love deliverance and how little I appreciate sustenance. Essentially, saying “Where is the victory in sustenance – it sounds like just getting by.” Wasn’t I scorning grace?

Scorning grace. Isn’t that what I’ve been doing?

In waiting for the monumental deliverance- the kind where I can put my issue to bed and never have to pray about it again- I’ve overlooked the grace that keeps drawing me to Him. The prayers that may appear unanswered, but actually are fulfilled in ways that keep me dependent, tethered, needy. View full post »

  • January 24, 2014 - 11:10 am

    Brian - So good, Vaneetha. Thank you for sharing.ReplyCancel

    • January 24, 2014 - 11:07 pm

      Vaneetha - You’re welcome, Brian. Glad you were blessed by it!ReplyCancel

  • January 24, 2014 - 11:13 am

    Maggie - Vaneetha, I love you so much. This is just beautiful. I needed this message today! (Ok- maybe everyday)ReplyCancel

    • January 24, 2014 - 11:03 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you so much, Maggie. I’m so thankful it was a blessing to you. I miss you!ReplyCancel

  • January 24, 2014 - 12:24 pm

    Kevin Magnuson - Very thought provoking to me Vaneetha. Won’t we learn so much when we get to speak to Jesus face to face. Thank you.ReplyCancel

    • January 24, 2014 - 11:01 pm

      Vaneetha - We will learn a lot that day, Kevin. That will be a glorious day- no more suffering or pain- just Jesus!ReplyCancel

  • January 24, 2014 - 2:55 pm

    Jennifer - My favorite post so far! I’ll remember this one for a long time. Thank you!ReplyCancel

  • January 24, 2014 - 11:02 pm

    Julie Owen - Vaneetha, thank you for inviting me to your blog. This message was so timely and convicting to my soul. Praising God with you for sustaining grace!ReplyCancel

    • January 24, 2014 - 11:11 pm

      Vaneetha - Thanks for reading it, Julie! As I wrote the post, I was overwhelmed by the blessing of sustaining grace. I’ve overlooked it far too often!ReplyCancel

  • January 24, 2014 - 11:31 pm

    Karen - I have honestly never heard this expressed in such a perfect way. it was like a flood light came on. this could not have been more timely. Thank you so much for sharing. When is your book coming out because I am buying the first copy!?ReplyCancel

    • January 24, 2014 - 11:39 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you, Karen. Its funny, the floodlight just came on for me last week- so I was so happy to share it!ReplyCancel

  • January 25, 2014 - 4:46 pm

    Jennifer Oosterhouse - Hi Vaneentha. Thank you! I love the words ….Sustaining Grace! I was calling it Grace pricks, and you gave me beautiful words for the pain of light engulfing love.ReplyCancel

    • January 25, 2014 - 10:53 pm

      Vaneetha - You are welcome, Jennifer! So glad it was a blessing!ReplyCancel

  • January 31, 2014 - 6:20 pm

    Danelle - Vaneetha, this is beautiful. And you are right… it does remind me of Joni. Your words a reminder and blessing to me. Looking forward to seeing you soon! XO – DanelleReplyCancel

    • January 31, 2014 - 8:23 pm

      Vaneetha - Thanks Danelle! Excited to see you both soon. 🙂ReplyCancel

  • February 8, 2014 - 11:56 am

    Roxanne - Thank you so much for this honest, God revealing post!! So needed for our life’s many journeys. Thanks for making it plain. For if not, many would miss the simple fact that His sustaining grace is the answer in the midst of the journey.ReplyCancel

    • February 8, 2014 - 5:03 pm

      Vaneetha - Roxanne, thank you so much for writing. Encouraged you are finding His sustaining grace in your journey.ReplyCancel

  • February 10, 2014 - 10:05 am

    Phyllis - Dear Vaneetha, I just discovered you on the Desiring God website and your words have an authenticity and clarity that have opened my eyes and encouraged my aching heart last night. I have often been troubled by the quick deliverance prayers that others have prayed and received answers to when my prayers seem to go unanswered for years.
    Sustaining Grace and Daily Manna have a new meaning for me now.
    I have gone thru your archives and have learned from each blog. Thank you for sharing your heart and how God has kept you with Sustaining Grace yourself.
    sincerely Phyllis.ReplyCancel

    • February 10, 2014 - 10:46 am

      Vaneetha - Manna is so easy to overlook, isn’t it. I have overlooked it for years, waiting for deliverance. I, too, am discovering what a blessing manna is. Thank you for writing, Phyllis. So thankful God used this to encourage you.ReplyCancel

  • February 12, 2014 - 11:34 am

    Brenda - Father,
    Forgive us for not recognizing, for not falling on our faces in thanksgiving for your moment-by-moment, day-by-day, sufficient and nourishing and lasting mercies and gift of Your very presence that enable us to not only endure, but to bring you glory in the midst of the pains and the sorrows You so wisely and lovingly allow into our lives. What a good God You are; how merciful and long-suffering; Your steadfast love extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.ReplyCancel

  • March 11, 2014 - 3:47 pm

    Laura - I just found your post on Desiring God. What a blessing! I had just been reading posts about coping with chronic illness from Psychology Today written by a Buddhist. I knew that there had to be Biblical answers, and your posts were my answer. Thanks for being so open and honest with your struggles. I also struggle with a chronic illness that keeps me mostly home bound and isolated. Thanks for helping me to realize I need to thank God for sustaining grace and continue to trust in him.ReplyCancel

    • March 11, 2014 - 4:51 pm

      Vaneetha - Oh Laura. Chronic illness can be so very discouraging. I am thankful God used my blog to encourage you. When I see how His sustaining grace through pain and loss has molded my faith and given me more of Him, I am grateful. He is sufficient. Thankful that Jesus carries you, me, all of us, through our trials.ReplyCancel

  • September 3, 2014 - 7:32 pm

    Thankful for …. | hopeful.thankful.blessed - […] Sustaining grace for every day […]ReplyCancel

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As I enter my daughter’s room, her alarm clock is blasting. It sounds like a jackhammer. Literally. I mean all 113 decibels of it. It is louder than a blaring car horn (110 decibels) but not quite as loud as a jet engine (120 decibels). Her clock also has a 12-volt bed shaker and strobe lights. So as a jackhammer is booming in her ears, her bed is shaking violently and bright lights are flashing in her face. If she didn’t begin the day with a panic attack, you’d think she’d be out of bed in an instant.

Not so. She is sleeping peacefully with the alarm detonating inches from her head. I’m awake. The whole house is awake. The high-strung poodle is on the edge of insanity. I’ve made the leap over.

This is no ordinary alarm clock. It’s called the sonic bomb. Lest you think my description exaggerated, here are some comments from Amazon:

The volume can be adjusted for those who do not want to have a heart attack when they wake up….it feels like an earthquake is happening, and you WILL wake up in a total panic… I really can’t express with words just how startling it is to have your own personal mattress earthquake…even my neighbor next door can hear it half way through her house.

At first, the sonic bomb worked beautifully. But my daughter quickly became oblivious to the piercing sound, intense shaking, and blinding lights. Completely understandable. I decide to call the company to see if they have a better model, since they specialize in hard to wake sleepers.

After I explain the problem, there’s stunned silence. The salesperson finally says, “I have been working here a long time and I’ve never had that request. Your alarm clock works for everyone. I’m sorry, ma’am, there’s nothing more we can do.” View full post »

  • January 17, 2014 - 7:37 pm

    Yavette - Thank you for your blog. It inspires me to keep moving forward. I like this analogy of God’ s persistent pursuance . It’s comforting to know that He will chase me and be beside me until I see Hîm one day face to face.
    God is Good ~
    Be Blessed!ReplyCancel

    • January 17, 2014 - 9:59 pm

      Vaneetha - I’m so glad this encouraged you! I agree- God is good! Thank you for writing.ReplyCancel

  • January 31, 2014 - 6:11 pm

    Danelle - I LOVE this. I was laughing, as a mother of a teen daughter, make that two as of last Monday. I can vividly picture the scene you described and every thought in your head! Your analogy is right on. I will not quickly forget it.ReplyCancel

    • January 31, 2014 - 8:24 pm

      Vaneetha - So glad! That scene is still being replayed many mornings…ReplyCancel

  • February 9, 2014 - 8:35 pm

    Beth - I just found your blog through Desiring God and I am so happy to read your writings. I’m pouring through your entries…you write with refreshing insights, said in very honest and accurate words, but humorously as well, and most of all, you express a genuine and passionate gratitude and love for Jesus…how inspiring…But in His unfathomable grace, He never leaves me. He holds on to me when I let go. And even when I push Him way– I love this, and you put it so simply but in a shockingly new and real voice. Thank you.ReplyCancel

    • February 9, 2014 - 10:30 pm

      Vaneetha - So glad that my words have been a blessing to you, Beth. Thank you so much for writing!ReplyCancel

  • December 7, 2015 - 2:05 am

    Grayce - I find myself before in your daughter 🙂 And you’re such a great mom, honestly!ReplyCancel

    • December 7, 2015 - 8:19 pm

      Vaneetha - Thanks Grayce! I was just waking her up this morning with a water pistol. 🙂ReplyCancel

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joy maple+

photo courtesy of Jonathan Davidar

I write and speak primarily about suffering. I didn’t choose this topic- if it were up to me, I’d be an expert on effective parenting, or gourmet cooking, or physical fitness. Or wealth management. I’d even settle for waste management. Life would be easier and more fun if my experiences centered on something less bruising. My mom agrees. Years ago, after hearing me speak about the death of my son, she offered a suggestion: “I love hearing you talk about suffering. But I think you’ve spoken enough about it because God keeps giving you more material. Your next topic needs to be joy. Tell God that you don’t have enough first-hand experience with joy so He needs to give you more!”

My mom, one of my favorite people in the world, has a great sense of humor. We have laughed about that statement many times, though I know she was only partially joking. She’s weary of watching me suffer. She wants me to have joy.

In the ensuing years since that talk, my life has gotten increasingly difficult. I have cried more, screamed at God more, and felt more miserable than I care to admit. But at the same time, I have experienced a deeper joy than I could ever have imagined. For the first half of my life, my joy seemed dependent on my circumstances. When my life was going well, and things were easy, I felt happy. I felt that God was blessing me, though I couldn’t find much time for God. I was too busy enjoying the good life.

But when life unravelled and the days felt unbearable, God’s presence was unmistakable. Even when my major accomplishment for the day was making it through without a breakdown, there was something extraordinary about my time with God. I desperately needed Him. To give me strength. To revive me. To help me hang on. It was the only way to survive.

And through those excruciating days, God spoke to me. He comforted me through His Word. He whispered to me in the darkness, as I lay awake on my tear-stained pillow. He sang songs over me of His love. View full post »

  • January 10, 2014 - 2:28 pm

    Ann - Great post!! Your mom’s prayers are answered in abundance!ReplyCancel

  • January 10, 2014 - 2:30 pm

    Anne Mercer - My dear Vaneetha,
    Carol sent me your blog address, and I would like to read your thoughts and share mine with you. I love your mother saying you need more joy in your life –
    that God has given you enough pain and you need to know more joy Oh how much I agree with your mother ! She sounds like my Mom.

    Personally, I think you are incredible and what a witness to God’s stregnth !I do pray for you for less pain, endurance — that he stops the progress the polio is making and replaces it with good cells. But I also thank him for your spirit and faith. You are truly an inspiration. Thank you for allowing me to share in your life. My love and prayers……..AnneReplyCancel

    • January 11, 2014 - 11:12 am

      Vaneetha - Oh Anne, thank you for your prayers and encouragenment. I know you have walked through tremendous suffering yourself… and have been a wonderful witness through it all.ReplyCancel

  • January 11, 2014 - 9:04 pm

    Jennifer - As I know we’ve discussed, joy and an increasing sense of God’s presence is often the “consolation prize” during trials. And experiencing intimate fellowship like that makes all earthly pleasures pale in comparison.
    Thanks for this beautiful post that I’ve witnessed in your life first hand…
    Keep writing friend!!ReplyCancel

    • January 12, 2014 - 6:03 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you, Jennifer. We’ve walked many roads together and I’ve always appreciated your perspective in trials. Intimacy with God does make everything the world has to offer pale in comparison.ReplyCancel

  • January 12, 2014 - 8:09 am

    RuthAnn - Beautiful! And I love your mom too! 🙂ReplyCancel

    • January 12, 2014 - 5:57 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you, RuthAnn! Thank you for your encouragement! And I agree- my mom is great!ReplyCancel

  • January 19, 2014 - 7:32 pm

    Renuka - I have read (and re-read) every one of your posts and have thoroughly enjoyed them. What makes your blog so special is the honesty with which your write. These are not mere words…they come from the heart… and that’s what makes them so encouraging and challenging. I have learnt much from you as I have watched you lean on God’s grace and live out your faith. Despite your circumstances there is abundant joy in your life that can only come from God(the radiance that Psalm 34 talks about.) I think you are one of God’s most beautiful creations (inside and out) I truly do. This particular blog reminded me of Dwayne Potteiger’s comment: “I would not have chosen the path I now walk, but wouldn’t trade it for the world”

    BTW, please tell your mom that I love her:)ReplyCancel

    • January 22, 2014 - 8:40 pm

      Vaneetha - Renuka, you have always encouraged me by your steadfastness and grace in the midst of tremendous trial. For well over a decade. Thank you for your kind words. They mean the world to me.ReplyCancel

  • January 1, 2015 - 10:21 am

    Sarah - Thank you for your wise words. I am once again awaiting the delivery of my dead baby girl at twenty-one weeks. We went through this February 2013, as well. We thought we had learned enough then, but God had another plan. As I struggle through the pain and the questions, I know that God has a purpose and He always works for our good and His own glory. I did not handle things well the last time, so now I have an opportunity to do a better job of reflecting His glory in the hard times. Anyway, a friend of mine just pointed me to your writings a couple of days ago and I am grateful for you and for her, women of God, who point me to the Truth.ReplyCancel

    • January 1, 2015 - 12:17 pm

      Vaneetha - Oh Sarah. Words feels so inadequate in this. My heart aches for you. I am so very sorry. I am praying as I write this that God will comfort you and hold you in the midst of these unspeakable losses and that His love and presence will overwhelm you. I cannot wait for heaven where there will be no more tears or crying or pain…ReplyCancel

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clock face with rock climber+

photo courtesy of Jonathan Davidar

Every January, I select a word to symbolize the new year- what I want to improve, to change, to become. Choosing a word helps me focus. I consider both where I am lacking and where God is stretching me. The word is more than what I want to accomplish- it embodies who I want to become. I prayerfully sit with different words simultaneously, until one takes hold of me. Then all year long, I reflect on that word and try to live up to it, to apply it to my life.

This year I didn’t want to pick a word. I’m tired of failing.

Last year my word was PRAY. I wanted my life to be characterized by prayer. I was hoping to pray more, pray about everything, and specifically pray for the people I cared about. At first, I was ever mindful of prayer. I made an extensive prayer list for my friends. And for a while, I got up an hour earlier just to pray for them. A while being defined as exactly one week. Afterwards, I’d allot 15 extra minutes to pray for this list. Sometimes it was down to 5 minutes. Lately I’ve been glancing at the list on the run.

The previous two years, I picked the same word, ENCOURAGE. The first year, I often found myself in the middle of conversations, realizing I hadn’t said anything encouraging at all. Unless I counted, “Glad you’re finally seeing things my way” or “You have a flair for stating the obvious.” Clearly, I’m a little too fond of sarcasm. So I focused on the same word a second year, hoping to see dramatic change. It didn’t happen that year either but I was too ashamed to choose the same word yet again. I had so wanted to encourage my precious daughters, who often hear what’s left undone, without acknowledgement of all that’s been done. They needed to know their efforts were valued. Over the two years, I did see improvement, but I fell far short of my ideal.

Several years ago, when I first stumbled upon this idea of one word, I felt empowered. It was just one word, which was easy to remember, even for me. And I loved choosing the word and reflecting back on it; my main frustration was my lack of consistency. View full post »

  • January 2, 2014 - 10:48 pm

    Pam Rundle - Thanks for the encouragement to keep trying keeping in mind that God is the one who does the work. See your word from those others years is working.ReplyCancel

    • January 3, 2014 - 2:12 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you Pam! Glad my word from 2 AND 3 years ago is bearing fruit. If only my daughters thought so too! I appreciate the encouragement.ReplyCancel

  • January 3, 2014 - 8:29 am

    RuthAnn Marenyi - As ALWAYS you make me laugh out loud (I love and share your bent toward sarcasm 🙂
    I love the word(s) you’ve chosen but I must tell you that you have been an enormous encouragement to me over the past years. So while your past success may have seemed small and incremental to you, might I also suggest that it may not even be seen by you but experienced by others (mostly likely many)! You just plant the seed…..(and I know your thumb is about as green as mine since I personally know how many artificial plants you have in your house…..but God gives the growth!)ReplyCancel

    • January 3, 2014 - 2:10 pm

      Vaneetha - Thank you, RuthAnn. That was very encouraging! I guess we never see what God is doing in us and through us. By the way- I LOVE your sense of humor!ReplyCancel

  • January 3, 2014 - 8:58 am

    Amy Bailey - Vaneetha,
    Thank you so much for your writings! I have enjoyed your blog posts and have been so encouraged by you!!

    I too have chose a word for 2014…Grace. I *love* the law. I use to watch others fail in my “holy” eyes, all while living an exhausted life of trying to live up to it myself. I am tired. So, I am looking to extend Grace not only to others, but also to myself. Galatians is my friend, and it’s been instrumental in showing me my lack thereof.

    I also, through the magic of Facebook, found another woman I know locally, from another church, who is focusing on the same word…and we are currently working out what our relationship will look like this year, but at the very least we are committing to praying for each other and checking in. I’m thinking this relationship may be more, however. In our deep theological FB chats, she described it as a word or ideal that she would like to practice for the year. Practice. That seems so much more manageable. When you practice for a game, you are sharpening your skills, but with no pressure. You are working out the kinks alongside those who are for you, who are playing on the same team, those who are there to encourage you as you work it all out.

    So, as I stare down 2014, I am going to practice Grace. Grace for myself, and grace for others. With not pressure. Because it’s just practice…

    Keep writing!
    Love, *Grace*, Peace, and *Joyful Acceptance* to you, dear sister,
    Amy BaileyReplyCancel

    • January 3, 2014 - 2:08 pm

      Vaneetha - Grace. What a wonderful word! I too love the law- especially for other people. Oh, how I need grace…Thank you so much for sharing, Amy.ReplyCancel

  • January 31, 2014 - 6:24 pm

    Danelle - My word for the year – ACCEPTANCE. Maybe next year I can reach JOYFULLY accept, but for now JUST ‘acceptance’ is hUGe for me! 🙂 Thank you for your inspiration, Vaneetha. You are such a blessing to so many and it rings true on these pages…ReplyCancel

    • January 31, 2014 - 8:23 pm

      Vaneetha - A great word, Danelle. Easier to write than to live, at least for me. But working on it!ReplyCancel

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